i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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