ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
