did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
