I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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