i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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