Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So much rum. So many feels.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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