THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
