you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
