ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
