My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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