How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
