Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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