I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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