Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
