it's not cheating when I paid for it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
