Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
