in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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