Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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