I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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