I can text with my tongue
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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