I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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