Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
True but thats because hes a fetus.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
