we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
