first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
