I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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