Who wears a wallet chain?!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
