are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize