my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
