Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
