Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
