after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
