a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
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