he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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