How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
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How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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