your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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