your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
