so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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