I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
MIDGETS
????
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
