The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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