youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
