video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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