I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Fuck appropriateness.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
