I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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