When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
