Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
