I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize