Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
