you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
