WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
