In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
