Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
