Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
