i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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