the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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