Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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