i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
