I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
