apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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