you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
