How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
