So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
tell me about the eggs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
