Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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