hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
