On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
