Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
