I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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