woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
