It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
