woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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