I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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