Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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