Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
