youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Say something about gay babies.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
