drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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