I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
