final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
