Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
