I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
