remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
