Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
