dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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