Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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