And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
