OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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