I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
time to smoke my breakfast
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
