Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
