I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
