I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
